The "C" Word

I have cancer. There I said it. It gets little easier the more I say it. I skipped denial and jumped straight to acceptance because I knew it was there before it became official. I am having a hard time with anger though. I’m angry because if this was diagnosed in 2008 when I first noticed the dreaded lump my treatment would have been a lot easier to deal with. A lumpectomy sure beats a mastectomy any time. The type I have is invasive and the verdict is still out on whether or not it has traveled out of the breast yet.

Two years of Mammography notifications read, “We are pleased to inform you that the results of your recent mammography examination are normal.” The second time I got this letter I did not believe it. I asked my doctor if I could see the report. The first thing that angered me was the words “Routine Screening”. What is routine about reporting a growing lump two years in a row? Then I read the small print on the bottom of the report. “Mammography remains the best test for detecting early breast cancer and is diagnostic in approximately 85 to 90% of cases.” So am I in the 15%? I asked my doctor for more testing and got an ultrasound and a biopsy, the verdict: Stage II invasive ductal carcinoma. Treatment: Mastectomy followed by chemotherapy. Survival rate 85%. Fear: Will I be in the 15% again?

My surgeon ordered an MRI. The tech at the hospital looked at my reports and said, “Why are you getting an MRI you had two negative mammograms?” my answer, “Because I have cancer.” He looked at the mammogram films and his face went blank, he said, “A mammogram is only as good as the person who reads it.” When I actually looked at my films I wanted to scream. I can see “IT” there big as day why couldn’t the radiologist see it? Did a qualified person read my chart or view my films?

I don’t bargain with God. I pray for things and I my prayers are usually answered, and when they are not I try to figure out why. What is the greater purpose? What is the purpose of getting Cancer? In order to come to terms with this I need a purpose, that is the way my brain works. I am usually annoyingly optimistic; I can find a silver lining in a hurricane. I had to dig deep on this one. I need to do something useful with this. So I want to spread a message. You must pay attention to and trust your body, do not accept a diagnosis you do not agree with, fight for yourself with knowledge.

We all can imagine how the “business” of medicine can go wrong. Is your diagnostic company churning out screenings to generate the maximum insurance billings and highest profit? Or is their mission quality healthcare and accuracy? There is pressure from the insurance industry to lower the “False Positive” rates because every positive finding results in more expensive testing. The screening companies are incentivized to pay more attention to this matrix than the opposite “false negatives.” When these occur they just point to the fine print. “Sorry you’re in that unfortunate 15%.”

I urge everyone to hold your medical providers accountable. Ask to see the actual reports provided to your doctor for the testing they ordered and read the fine print. I believed in the effectiveness of mammograms to my own detriment. If I had not actually read my second report I would still be undiagnosed, believing in the recommendations of others instead of my own instincts.