I am a Benevolent Hedonist

The selfish reason I love Theo is that he makes me a better person. When I was young I was very hedonistic. My goal seeking was mostly about perusing things that made me feel good; praise at work, disco dancing, smoking, drinking and sex. Luckily for me drugs were never my thing; I’m too much of a control freak. I reluctantly gave up disco for rock and roll, but I just couldn’t dance to it. In my egotistical defense I always tried to make sure I did not hurt anyone in the process. I am a benevolent hedonist.

I did not want people to connect to me for very long. It is much easier to be an interesting and exciting person in short bursts than it is for the long haul. I am very comfortable by myself and I have to work at being extroverted. It’s hard to explain. I care and I do feel a sense of compassion and love for others but I have to remind myself to express it. It’s hard to get my attention but once you do I am willing to let you in.

When left to my own devices I’m actually kind of spacey. I like metaphysical thought and mentally hanging out in the ethereal world. Theo keeps me grounded in a beautiful loving way to this material world. He reminds me to express love in a tangible way, a way that affects other people’s lives and mine.

Being together for over 25 years really is not that difficult. Yes we have difficulties at times and people reinvent themselves as they mature and learn, but whenever we seem to be taking different paths we see it and are able to blaze a new one together. Sometimes we need heavy equipment to plow though it and sometimes just a gentle pushing away of the undergrowth.

Theo I love you big much. Every day is our Valentine’s Day.